Journies of the Heart

“Remember this song? This is still how i feel when i am with you.”

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“BASTA’T KASAMA KITA”

(DingDong Avanzado)

Sa tuwing tayo’t magkakalayo
hindi matahimik ang puso ko
bawat sandali hanap kita
‘di mapakali hanggang muling kapiling ka
dahil kung ika’y makita ng
labis labis ang tuwang nadarama
magisnan lamang ang kislap ng iyong mata
kahit ano pa ay kakayanin ko na

 CHORUS:
Basta’t kasama kita
lahat magagawa
lahat ay maiaalay sa’yo
basta’t kasama kita
walang kailangan pa
wala nang hahanapin pa
basta’t kasama kita

 giliw,sana ay ikaw na nga
ang siyang mananatiling kasama ko
dahil kung ika’y mawawalapati lahat sa buhay ko’y maglalaho
ngunit…(REPEAT CHORUS)

walang kailangan pa
wala nang hahanapin pa
basta’t kasama kita

I told you before why i stopped attending weddings, birthdays, christening/dedications right?  And i told myself that im over and done with running away from the “Question”.

Boy, i was wrong… Last November with the request of my tita which is also my godmother, i attended her birthday celebration.  As relatives and friends keep coming… i somehow sense that something fishy is going on.  She would always introduce me to a single guy that would come to her house.  And i was like… uh uh uh… this is not good!  Definitely a bad idea.

What i did? I hide in the kitchen! Totally lost myself with arranging the foods, orchestrating the kitchen and the foods that need to be brought to the table.  I thought i was saved… but boy oh boy, she looks for me and the whole process of introductions, saying hi’s and goodbyes begins again.

Sometimes i was wondering, are they pushing me to get married jsut because theyare happy that they are married? Or are they pushing me to get married to share the suffering that they have? hehehe… just joking!

Whatever their reason, i know that are just thinking of me and my happiness.

What they do not know is… i am happy just the way things are in my life right now.  But of course i’ll be happier when Mr. Fix It, fixed my heart.

Second week of July when we rushed my grandfather to the hospital because of his chronic lung disease, which eventually led to his death after 2 weeks of almost living in the hospital.

When he was still alive and little bit strong, i would always take time to massage his body especially his feet.  One evening when i was massaging his hands, he hold my hands for awhile and told me, ” Imaginin mo na lang na intsik yung minamasahe mo.  Bakit kasi gustung gusto mo sila.  Magpapakasal ka na ba sa intsik?” I laughed out loud.  Right there and then, naiyak ako… here was an old blind and deaf man, and yet he clearly hears and sees my heart.  He knew how i love the chinese people and longing to be with them… but somehow, God is still keeping me here in the Philippines…  for what reason? I do not even know.

If only my grandfather can see see the name written in my heart… im sure he would approved it.  Why? Because that name is the one who makes me happy, accepts me, and continues to make me crazy.

I gotta say I can do all things
If I just spread my wings
Spread my wings
Spread my wings
Spread my wings
And I can fly
Ooh fly

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
       where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,
       the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
       he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
       will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
       the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
       nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
       he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
       both now and forevermore.

Pictures from: http://www.exploringadoptionblog.com

Last Monday (May 26, 2008) while i was waiting for my appointment with a government staff, i saw my sister’s grade one teacher.   So i approached her and introduced myself.  Wow! She still remembers me even after so many years of not seeing each other.

She told me that she is now managing a school for special people (SPED) and often saw my mom whenever my mom would visit our family in Valenzuela.  Then, out of nowhere the big question was asked.  Are you married? And i said" No, mam".  Are you older than my daughter? And i said, "Yes, mam".  The she said, " You know, based on my studies and my students in schools right now… most of the kids were born during their mother’s late 30’s or early 40’s." 

My immediate thinking was…. oh no… no no no! it will not happen to me! My children will be normal, happy and intelligent children!

Then she said again…. "You know when Joy (her daughter) turned 30, i really pushed her to get married and have a child." 

Then the most humiliating thing she can do to me… she said in front of all the people in the office…. "Bukas na bukas din pakasal ka na! Wag mong sayangin ang panahon… mahirap manganak kapag me idad (ouch!) kana! Maghanap ka na ng BF at magpakasal na kayo…"

Haaaaaaayyyyy, what part of "Waiting for the best guy… the one that comes from the Lord" they do not understand? as if naman ganun lang kadali maghanap ng BF much more ng mapapanagasawa no?

Buti na lang, the Lord promised me that the best guy for me is coming…. very very soon… i just have to be patient and hold on to God’s promise.

Naghintay na ko ng matagal para sa guy na nilaan ni Lord sa kin… kaya ok pang maghintay na muli… baka kasi pagnagmadali ako… baka madapa ako at mahirapan na kong bumangon….

Happy and contented being a single…. for now…. that’s me!   

I had so much fun spending time in the kitchen and spending it with my grandmother and my mom….

Three generations of chefs (?)… usually busy every morning (so pls avoid calling me in the morning between 9-11am coz im sure i won’t be able to answer your call hehehe) in the kitchen, sharing tips on how to cook certain food, sharing funny stories on how not to do things because it will either burn your food or your fingers… sometimes we disagree on certain things, like how to cook the chicken, or veggies… but all in all… we finished cooking the foods in good terms hehehe…..

but most of all, i love the time that i spent with them… catching up with each other’s stories… on my experiences during the time that i am living either in china or HK… with my chinese and korean students,  my funny and horror stories… with my previous work… with my lovelifes that did not flourished hehehe… so while we are boiling the food, they are also trying to boil my patience with their questions about my lovelife… which by the way until now has the title… "Coming Soon"… (though there is this one guy that i really like…)

I never had this time with them before… i’ve been busy with so many things and so many issues in my life that i overlooked my relationships with them… so now i am trying to spend more time as much as possible with them….

They will not be here forever……

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And ’til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I’ll trust in You

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light,

I’ve been trying to write another entry on my blog…. but everytime i started to write something… i will find myself deleting it….

hmmmmm…. what’s wrong with me????