What you are going to read below was part of my term paper for my M training… kasama kasi sa M training namin yung course about yourself and to handle your conflicts within and with other people… it was written 3 yrs ago hehehe… pero kasi naisipan kong ayusin ang aking inbox so nakita ko to.. actually nakalimutan ko na ito eh… but now that i saw it again i want to share it with you… baka sakali na makilala nyo kahit part ng kung sino at ano ko…. then if you want you can also answer this question….
Q: What does my friend find most difficult about living in relationship with me?
1. Comment: They find it difficult that I left the office around 10pm, sleep around 1am or 2am and still wake up at 4am, leave the house around 5:30, dropped my sister in her office in Makati and then go to our office directly in Pasig. Ang weirdo daw ng aking schedule. Kasi most of the time daw eh nasa labas ako ng bahay pero wala naman daw akong social life. Wala na daw ako timefor myself, and for my friends kasi puro work daw ang inaatupag ko. And kasi sila din ang nahihirapan kasi me mga cases na di ko namamalayan na my body wants to rest na pala pero yung mind ko hyper active pa kaya minsan nagcocolapse na lang ako. Usually ang uwi ko sa hospital, almost two weeks din ako dun.
Pero now, looking back at all those things, I thank God that He pulled me out of that situation and let me just rest in Him. It was so hard for me to resign sa office kasi loves ko yung work ko eh. Plus the people that I work with are great people na through thick and thin eh nakasama ko. And feeling ko nga pagnawala na yung work ko, wala na rin yung identity ko. But God proved me wrong. For 3 months now wala na ko work, nung una ang hirap pero kalaunan nasanay na din ako lalo na maghapon ginagawa ko lang eh just talking to God, resting in Him, immersing in His Words, grabe yung revelation and realization about me. Tapos when you started yung lecture natin sa “Beginning”, naiyak talaga ko when im reflecting upon it. Kasi ramdam na ramdam ko yung love ni God sa akin. I was trapped dun sa worldly view of being me, na kelangan successful, na dapat ganito or ganun. Pero now, I realized na hindi lahat ng ginawa ko naging beneficial para sa akin. God let me see na kahit ano gawin ko apart from Him eh di ako magiging masaya. So now, after agonizing months of not working secularly, yung identity ko, yung drive ko for achievement and success eh di na ganun ka grabe kasi now I see myself as one of God’s greatest creation, na dapat ingatan at pahalagahan. Kaya nung nawalan ako ng work, believe it or not, mas marami ang natuwa kesa sa nalungkot… hahaha ang weird no? pero now, masaya na rin ako kasi I was able to spend time with my family, with my friends, na ang tagal kong di ginawa. I isolated myself for 7 years kasi kala ko sa wok ko makikita yung fulfillment ko, hindi pala. I found myself happier now being with people who loves me despite of… and ngayon ko lang narealized how I missed them so much. Now I was able to relax more and look at things in proper perspective.
And now I can say, I was able to “mourn” for the things that I have lost. Matagal-tagal din na iyakan ke God pero finally I was able to forgive myself. That was the hardest part yung forgiving myself kasi nga feeling ko wala naman ako ginawa na “bad” talaga. Pero reflecting upon it, dami ko pala nasaktan na tao and nagalit ako sa sarili ko, ang hirap tanggapin pero ni remind ako ni God ng mga ginawa ko, and praise God kasi that time din He restored and he healed me.
(resource person: Juvy Medriano, my officemate for 6 yrs. Kasama ko nag pioneer sa company)
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2. Comment: You’re a fine lady dedicated ambitious friendly open minded loving caring all the good adjectives fit you. The only character that i have found difficult about living in relationship with you is that you are so PERSISTENT.
PERSISTENT in a way is positive but too much of everything is difficult to handle. Nuisance comes handy when you do that. When somebody say no! ask why once is ok, ask why again the second time is fine and at the end that you accepted the answer and still do what your heart desire because you like it or you think what your doing is right.
That’s where DIFFICULTY in an attitude or character came into picture.
Hope it will help you and in your research.
God Bless.
Jay-r
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Reflection:
Masyado daw ako persistent sa pagtatanong kahit no na yung sagot to the point na nakakainis na. Well, actually matanong talaga ko. I don’t easily give up sa kakatanong lalo na kapag yung tinatanong ko eh alam kong me alam sa issue na gusto ko malaman. Na kahit the person said no already, I would still keep asking hanggang dumating sa point na they would give in and tell me the story sa kakatanong ko. Pero I only do that to the person who are very close to me katulad nitong resource person ko. Or sa mga taong alam ko na kahit naiinis sa kakapilit ko eh would eventually give in then sa pangungulit ko. And I only do that kind of probing kapag yung tao nainvolved eh super close sa akin and loves ko talaga, either a relative or a friend.
But after having some of our exercises sa school lalo na yung you just listen and don’t react when somebody is telling a story, I learned how important it is to respect other people. I mean, when they say no, then I would live it at that kasi baka hindi pa sila handa to share it or they were asked a person to have the story in strict confidentiality. So I learned to keep quiet when I needed to be quiet, and accept when people say no and not to be persistent too much.
( Resource person: JR Eusebio, a cousin of mine na barkada ko rin.)
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3. Comment: Cathy… she’s one of a wonderful person that God has given me. The attitudes, character that she has is a great blessing, a heart of patience, dedicated, loving, caring, understanding, appreciative, innovative, encourager, listener, humble, silent, keeper, a good leader, carrier, teacher, and she have heart of service|(manicure, pedicure, kulot? ano pa ba?) hahaha…, but you know what? aside from that she’s a clown…. she can easily make me laugh nor sad. Some times she makes me feel uncomfortable in a way of saying jokes, where in she called it "OKRAY" she always says some encouraging words and after that she will say some "okray" words… Every time we talk, i am ready to hear some okray words.. hehehe..
i really dunno why she’s asking this question, we just talked while ago and i found out that she’s serious sending this e-mail and asking this question… because once you knew CATHY, who cathy really is… whew! you’ll need to pray! hehehe..
si cathy, kilala ko na itong taong ito eh. alam ko na kung kailan sya seryoso, galit, masaya, malungkot, takot, balisa, etch… pero kung bago mo lang syang kilala, mahirap sa kanya yung bagay na hindi mo alam kung seryoso ba sya sa sinasabi niya or hindi. Kasi nga madalas syang magpatawa… kaya kahit na seryoso na, hindi mo agad malalaman kung seryoso ba talaga sya or hindi… you need to analyze pa kung seryoso ba talaga siya or hindi… hehehe.. siguro ayun ang masasabi kong mahirap sa kanya… lalo na kung kasama ko yan! hay!!! pero laking pasasalamat ko kay GOD kasi biniyayaan niya ako ng kaibigan na gaya niya.
Ngets, dito lang me palagi. Dyan ka na man! hahahaa
God bless!
Aries
************************************************************************ Reflection: Honestly, its really hard for me to get serious sometimes. Lalo na kapag kausap ko eh mga friends ko na me problem tapos para sa akin simple lang yung problem nila na pinalalaki lang nila sa negative na naiisip nila. Ayoko kasi ng masyadong malungkot yung atmosphere eh, kasi parang ang bigat sa dibdib. I mean its ok for me to listen to problems pero me mga times na yung kausap ko eh iyak na ng iyak so I would crack a joke or make an ice breaker para ma lighten up yung situation. Na minsan ang interpretation nila eh im taking things lightly, na parang wala ako pakialam. Pero later on, kapag nahimasmasan na sila at naalala yung mga jokes ko, wala naman sila gagawin kundi tumawa ng tumawa.
But you know what? Upon reflecting on this msg, I realized na I need to train myself to really listen to other people and keep silent kapag nagwewento sila. Kasi I learned na hindi nman lahat ng nagsasabi ng problem sa yo eh wants your advise or comments, yung iba they just wanted someone to listen to them. One thing more, when I give somebody advise I would tell them immediately na seryoso ko sa sinasabi ko kahit pa nakangiti ako for them to know na im not playing games with them and I’m serious helping them with their problems.
(Resource person: Aries Bustamante, pinaka close kong friend, he knew everything about me, sya yung taong nasasabihan ko ng lahat ng nasa isip at kalooban ko… na minsan mas kilala pa nya ko kesa ako sa sarili ko…. Weird…)
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4. Comment: ay ano bang klaseng katanungan ito? hirap sagutin! ano nga ba? teka, ahmmmm NOT BEING ABLE TO TELL WHOLEHEARTEDLY WHAT YOU FEEL especially with us guys (d cute guys of tropang pasaway! lolz)…… na minsan (o madalas?) nanghuhula ako (o kami) sa mga iniisip mo o nararamdaman mo…. na kalaunan eh I am (or we are) taking it just the way you are…. na iniisip ko (o namin) na kailangan din na minsan ay may distansya tayo sa isa’t isa lalo na sa napaka-personal na mga bagay. yan! pag me naisip pa ako..maya hane!
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Reflection:
This is the first answer that I’ve got from my friends, and I was really shocked nung mabasa ko
to. I didn’t know na ganun pala yung nararamdaman nila kapag di ako nagsasalita or kapag tumatahimik ako. As I’ve told you before, its not easy for me to talk about myself personally lalo na sa ibang tao. I can be as makulit, maingay, magulo, lukaret as I can be, pero I can also be so quiet. Na di ko lam iba pala naiisip nila to the point na concern sila sa nararamdaman at iniisip ko. The reason na nananahimik sila is the fact siguro na I have a strong personality and somehow natatakot sila tanungin ako or approach kasi iniisp nila baka magalit or maoffend ako, or kasi ako pinakamatanda sa grupo kaya iniisip nila na dyahe naman kung ask nila ko.
Reflecting on it, nalungkot ako. Kasi sila yung mga friends ko na I neglected when I got too busy with my on life dahil sa work ko. Sila yung mga kasama ko before sa mga gimiks lalo na kapag ng mountain climbing, or swimming or mountain trekking. For how many years I was not able to go with them. Lam ko nagtampo sila sa akinkaya dumating yung time na di na nilako invite sa mga gimik kasi lam nila di naman ako sumisipot eh. Pero praise God kasi di Nya hinayaan na ma lost ko pa ulit tong mga taong to who really cared for me. Thank God kasi He gave me another chance to be with them. After our class, I made a point to talk to them and catch up with each other’s activities, tapos sumasama na ulit ako sa mga lakd ng grupo. And you know what? I was so happy, relieved and I felt new when I was with them. Parang ibang Cathy na ulit yung nabuhay. Dun ko narealized how much I lost when I neglected them. But God gave me another chance to recover what I have lost, and that is my relationship with this people.
Now? I can say that God really turned my mourning into dancing. Praise God! Thank God!
(Resource person: Rommel Aquino, official (kuno) spoke person of tropang pasaway… my friends since 1998… believe it or not sa internet kami nagkakila kilala, and first eye ball namin eh sa Fatima Hospital kasi naka confine ako dun due to over fatigue… oh di ba bongga… hahaha..)
